RAISING SUCCESSFUL KIDS A psychotherapist says parents who raise confident, mentally strong kids always do these 3 things when praising their children
https://www.cnbc.com/2021/07/15/a-psychotherapist-shares-how-parents-of-confident-and-mentally-strong-kids-praise-their-children.html
1. They praise the process
When you praise the process (e.g., the kid putting effort into a math assignment), instead of the talent or outcome (e.g., the kid’s natural ability to solve math problems quickly), kids are more likely to develop a positive attitude toward future challenges.
2. They never make it a competition
Encourage them to compare their past efforts with their present efforts, rather than with other people. This gets them into the habit of shifting their goals away from being better than everyone else and toward self-improvement.
3. They use observational language
Instead of saying, “That’s so good!”, you may want to say, “I love the colors in your painting. Tell me more about why you chose them.” (This is what it means to praise the process.)
Another example: Instead of saying, “You looked like a pro riding that bike!,” parents of motivated kids might say something like, “You were so careful and focused while riding your bike. Even when you wobbled a bit and almost fell off, you kept going! That was cool to watch.”
These simple language tweaks can help your kids feel proud of themselves for putting effort into something. It can also make them more excited to take on more challenging things in the future.
Lastly, it’s important to create an environment of emotional safety. If your child failed a spelling test, refrain from telling them they should have studied harder. Instead, ask them what they think they can do to improve next time.
Kids need to know that they can come to their parents not just when they’ve done something well, but also when they are struggling with a specific task or challenge.
Published Thu, Jul 15 202112:03 PM EDTUpdated Thu, Jul 15 20214:18 PM EDT
Jessica VanderWier is a psychotherapist who works primarily with families and children. She is also the founder of Our Mama Village, where she offers parenting insights through online courses, personalized coaching and free resources. Jessica lives in Canada with her husband and their two daughters. Follow her on Instagram @OurMamaVillage.
1. They praise the process
When you praise the process (e.g., the kid putting effort into a math assignment), instead of the talent or outcome (e.g., the kid’s natural ability to solve math problems quickly), kids are more likely to develop a positive attitude toward future challenges.
2. They never make it a competition
Encourage them to compare their past efforts with their present efforts, rather than with other people. This gets them into the habit of shifting their goals away from being better than everyone else and toward self-improvement.
3. They use observational language
Instead of saying, “That’s so good!”, you may want to say, “I love the colors in your painting. Tell me more about why you chose them.” (This is what it means to praise the process.)
Another example: Instead of saying, “You looked like a pro riding that bike!,” parents of motivated kids might say something like, “You were so careful and focused while riding your bike. Even when you wobbled a bit and almost fell off, you kept going! That was cool to watch.”
These simple language tweaks can help your kids feel proud of themselves for putting effort into something. It can also make them more excited to take on more challenging things in the future.
Lastly, it’s important to create an environment of emotional safety. If your child failed a spelling test, refrain from telling them they should have studied harder. Instead, ask them what they think they can do to improve next time.
Kids need to know that they can come to their parents not just when they’ve done something well, but also when they are struggling with a specific task or challenge.
Published Thu, Jul 15 202112:03 PM EDTUpdated Thu, Jul 15 20214:18 PM EDT
Jessica VanderWier is a psychotherapist who works primarily with families and children. She is also the founder of Our Mama Village, where she offers parenting insights through online courses, personalized coaching and free resources. Jessica lives in Canada with her husband and their two daughters. Follow her on Instagram @OurMamaVillage.
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